Whistle While You Work

Imagine that the broom
Is someone that you love and soon you’ll find you’re dancing to the tune — Name that movie

I broke the broom to the tune of my tears

Do you know the song with the lyrics “ain’t no rest for the wicked”? That seems to sum up my life these days. I am either paying for transgressions from my past lives or I have been far worse a person than I realized in this one.

I’m not living a wild or fun nightlife… I’m cleaning. You read that correctly. I am up super late at night or up very early in the morning(sometimes both) to clean my house.

And these late night/ early mornings are not maintaining a clean house, oh no. These are to actually CLEAN the house.

I have never been a person to keep things clean, I was a slob. I really didn’t start caring about cleanliness (just of the house… I do very much believe in bathing) until I moved in with my friend. She is such a OCD clean person I felt so guilty that her house was always a mess because my slob crew (2 kids and a fiancee) moved in.

That was when a new reason to be stressed or anxious joined my already impressive repertoire.

I’ve been even more stressed ever since.

The accuracy

So I lose sleep because the best time to clean is when no one else is around to bother me, ask me questions or piss me off because they are sitting on their ass while I’m running around like a chicken without its head.

I thought after I quit my job and became a stay at home mom that this cleanliness thing would be so much easier… excuse me while I pee my pants laughing. Between being surrounded by 4 slobs and 2 disastrous cats, being a pack rat, having crazy cleaning ADD, and being a crafter of so many things NOTHING ever stays clean. And I do clean throughout the day in any way my 18 month old will let me, but nothing stays clean.

So to you clean people (especially SAHMs with children home) I envy you. I want to be you, well be like you… I don’t want to wear your skin to my birthday or anything…. but I’m jealous

It just passed actually

But I need to stop writing now, the floor I just scrubbed on my hands and knees is now cover in glitter. Apparently my daughter thought filling a balloon with glitter was a great idea and the cat just popped the balloon. SEND HELP

Oh and the answer from my last post is Swan Princess

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Sleep is For the Weak

I have told myself this many times in a vain attempt to satiate my desire for more.

Have you seen the memes about sacrificing something to be able to fall asleep? That is how I feel every night.

I want to sleep. I wish to sleep. I take different medicines to help me sleep, but nothing really works. Melatonin gets me to sleep quickly, but I wake up within 4 hours and I am awake for good. Midnite doesn’t help me fall asleep so I wake up groggy. Actual sleeping pills are much too strong and I struggle to fully regain consciousness. I’m not joking.

Why do I struggle?

Partly because I married a man who snores louder than a garbage disposal, I’m currently listening to it as I type.

I am breastfeeding my youngest and he has been doing this thing where he wakes up as I’m trying to go to bed, ready to play. Or… he wakes up at 2 in the morning and he brings things into our bed and sometimes in the process knocks me in the face.

I have anxiety and the quiet still of the night is the perfect time to replay ALL of the mistakes you have made in life.

Also, the quiet time is great for planning your next day and going over what you got done today and wonder if it is enough to justify feeling accomplished.

I am a light sleeper, so if my kids go to the bathroom (which is not near my bedroom door) I hear it. Or if the cats feel like making a racket.

I hear everything. And it wakes me up.

I’m so tired. And I’m constantly tired.

My current situation, he is finally asleep again. I know the picture is dark, if I used the flash it would look like Gondor calling for aid.

I have been a “bad” sleeper for years, but these last few months have felt worse.

My eyes are starting to get heavy.

Good night. But not so much for me.