I was scanning my Facebook memories, as I do each day, but this day was different.
Apparently June 15th I feel compelled to upload a selfie roughly every 2 years.
I started looking at the pictures and thinking about the different things happening in my life at each point.
June 2015- I was almost 2 yrs out of my first marriage and I had tried dating for the first time that year… it didn’t go well. I was exercising about 5 days a week, 30lbs down from 2 yrs prior. I was working a job that I loved. I wore makeup….I was feeling myself! My life was about to change drastically though and it would propel me into the life I’m living now.
June 2017- I was living in a new state, at a new store, now a POG team lead. I had gained ALL 30lbs back and more. I was dating my now husband and we were about to move in together. I loved my job, but the position was about to disappear and I was TIRED constantly.
June 2019- I am married again, a new homeowner and I had a baby back in January. I am getting barely any sleep, can’t even open my eyes completely and about 10 min after this picture is taken I am told how lazy of a mom I am (by my daughter) because I don’t want to take the kids to the pool. Mom guilt pushed me and my terrible self esteem to squeeze my fat ass into a swimsuit. It wasn’t a fun day for me at all.
June 2020…. where do I even start??? Ignoring the world around me that’s burning down. I’m actually doing well. I’ve gotten serious about losing ALL the weight over gained. Mentally I have great days and terrible days but I’m recovering faster than ever. I have an amazing support group and I feel strong. I’m remembering my self worth comes from me and I am not letting anyone’s hurtful actions ruin that again! I am doing this for me.
I’m going to be pushing myself to work on my business, I am hoping to start gaining some financial independence while being at home with the kids. We are homeschooling this upcoming year and I am excited for this new challenge. Getting out of my comfort zone to better my kids.
Do you ever reflect on your past and how it has brought you to where you are now? Do you still have hope for 2020, or have you given up??
So I am not a sad person, I suffer from depression and anxiety BUT I’m not sad. Reading through my posts these past few weeks makes me seem like a sad, kind of (really) whiny/bitchy type. I can be this way Fo Sho… but in general, I’m happy. I think that I have had a lot on my plate and with the new baby, house and marriage I’m struggling with ME.
I’ve been doing better about setting time aside to work on the behind the scenes part of my business, reading books on marketing and creating a successful business… stuff like that
I even made that bookmark… I know, its awesome! And I have actually been taking pictures again. I have actually always enjoyed being behind the camera. When I was in high school, my family lived on Okinawa, Japan. My parents would drag us around the island to see the sights and the history; I usually got to capture the moments with my parents MASSIVE digital camera that used floppy discs (yeah, I’m THAT old). I took videos and made deep I insightful commentary on what we were doing (my dad would threaten to take the camera away and I would stop). I really enjoyed that. Whenever we went on family vacations or whatever, I took pictures. I discovered the “selfie” one day and stopped taking pictures of other things…. until I had my babies, then I had to capture all those moments. With the advent of smart phones with pretty good cameras I put down the physical camera and just used the super portable thing I was taking anways.
I was given advice by my family photographer (you don’t have one of those??)
Mia Rose Photography
She takes pretty great pictures!! Anyway, she was giving me advice for pictures of my products. So for the first time in at least a year, I took my real camera out of the bag. The feel of the camera in my hand and the strap around my neck (I am SUPER clumsy) felt amazing!! It just felt natural and some of the pictures turned out really nice!!
Here’s a screenshot because they are actually saved on my computer, not my phone. Honestly, the screenshot doesn’t do it justice. But anywhoser… I loved having the camera in my hands again.
I actually got a free Nikon N50 from a Facebook resale page. It takes film so I have been working on my photography again, kind of old school style. I will be taking 2 rolls of film to be developed on Monday and I am really hoping they turn out well, but either way, I am having fun capturing moments and that is all that matters.
So that is my non-depressive blog post. Stay tuned for another whiny one soon!! Hopefully I didn’t scare away my 4 followers.