It really isn’t my favorite, but I think I write about it the most.
I have started an exercise program AGAIN…. I will have to go through my blogs to count the number that mention me losing weight or working out. I know it is a lot and as much as I try to pretend that I am ok looking the way I do, I AM NOT…..
So a couple of weeks ago my husband and I went to the vineyard where we were married. It was our first time back and I got dressed up, I wanted to look nice! I put on this blue dress that always made me feel beautiful(skinny) and I put makeup on(I don’t normally). I was dressed to the nines!! I felt amazing and I asked my husband to take pictures of me, I don’t have many pictures of me looking nice.
He sent me the pictures a few days later and the happy bubble that I had created for myself popped. I burst into tears and I started throwing a pity party for myself. I really looked at myself in the mirror and…. gross.
SO once again I am trying working out to lose my belly, back, arm, thigh and any other body part fat. I have started LIIFT4 from Beachbody. I was doing this before I broke my toe in July and I loved it! I have doubled the weight I was using so it is much harder, but I am praying that it will be worth it. I have not gotten to the point where I love working out or crave it like a drug, but I am pushing through the sore muscles and fatigue. My bigger kids are being really supportive and they have done the workouts with me and have tried to help me out around the house because I am exhausted.
I keep hoping that I can stick with the program because I need to feel better about myself. I know that my worth isn’t in how I look, but I don’t really care. I want to fit in my clothes, I want to look at pictures of myself and not want to puke, I want to be proud of myself again and I want to be strong! When my husband tells me that I am beautiful I want to believe him.
I am aware that the skinny brat (who thought she was fat) I was before kids is gone, but I would like that fat lump of lard that has replaced her to disappear a little too, lol. This is said with lighthearted intent.
Have you ever lost a large amount of weight? Or finished something that you started multiple times?
bonniemalicki 